this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
