a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
