..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
