I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
