Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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