In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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