can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
