I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
