I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
