You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
