five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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