At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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