This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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