Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
