I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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