Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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