Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
