wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
