Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
