chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
