first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
