I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
