Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
