Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
