I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
