Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
