I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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