i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
