i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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