At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
