Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
