Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
