Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
