i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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