There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
