Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
