Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
