If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
