i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No subtext here. People are naked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
