I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
