I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
