I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
