dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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