New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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