Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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