I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
