you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
