Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
