I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
