standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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