i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
birth control should be required to get into college
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
