I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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