spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
