you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
