I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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