My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She even gives head with a lisp.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
