I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think i have two assholes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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